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Please help


Ok how do you guess cope with your friends. Mine are really worried about them which is sweet, but i need to get them off my back. How do you cope? I am finding it impossiable because i don't want to tell them, cos they jst wont understand.

 

Issues!

1) eating
2) sleeping
3) hurting
4) operation
5) workload
6) hannah
7) parents
8) university entry
9) christmas
10) JOE

and that is just the start. What am i going to do?


Nov. 22nd, 2008

Dreading weekend!!! i hate weekend cos i am so going to have to eat! horrid. I have been doing really well all week and it's al going to be wasted. I can think of no way of getting out of meals. Even if i met friends at meal times i get constantly questioned about it. Any magical idea?

Why is my life sooo messed up!


OK today hasn't been good. Got in trouble wid skl for missing c/w deadlines. Then what i considered my best friend blanked me all day! She was like well your now my "INVISABLE FRIEND!" and i was like well danks a lot.

So i'm in shit wid
1)skl
2)parents
3)best friend
4) my group of friends

basically i have lot everything. so down and to make everything worse i don't even have the self control to fast propablly. Why is my life so ****ed! Cut myself today! I don't know why cos i don't feel any better for it.

Need the old heather back but just lost

 

Nov. 16th, 2008

i have eaten so much over this weekend. Been so down and the only way to convince every1 i'm fine has been to eat infront of them. it has been so hard but i suppose it has worked and everyone now thinks its not eating i have the problem with. However eating is just the consequence of all of the isses!

I am going to fast til wednessday i am so determinded, Just have to make sure that i don't get found out. Any good sayings? I have used all fo the "NOT HUNGRY", "NOT FEELING WELL", "ALREADY EATEN" and would love some inspiration.
Started cutting myself for the first time in ager yesterday. Can't believe it. I am going to have to resort back to wearing long sleeves again. I suppose it is the winter so it should be a bit easier. Everything getting on top of me and nothing seems important at all any more.

Ate loads today because i had to do loads of work and i new that i didn't get any done if i didn't eat. But then instead of purging like i should of  i just self harmed which isn't exactly good.

Everyone is really concerned about me but it's just making everything worse. I don't care, don't think and now don't understand what is being said.

i'm realy worried what the doctor is going to say and that is v only reason why i am eating again. Please help, don't know what i would do widout every1. No-one else understands.
Today has been life changing for me. I have been found out, but i really don't care! It's shocking as i haven't been having ana thoughts for very long. I am well down, doing wel wid v eating, but i am also feeling suicidal. Maybe because i can't sleep. Parents were shoating and even my teachers pulled me out of class because i fell asleep in a leason. I am screwed! but the thing is that i really don't mind. I have isolated myself from all family and friends which has been hard but now they're fighting me i just feel stronger about becoming beatutiul.

I have to go to the doctor's tomoro mind. Slightly worried about wat they're going to say!!!!!!!! What is the worst that will happen? I am lost in a heather bubble and although am being sucessful am not really living. Has anyway gone through this? I would love some suport.

Nov. 12th, 2008

Oh god, nearly the worst day of my life. Fell asleep in class 2day and every1 laughed! so embaressed, Then got called to the head. He asked me if i was PREGNENT! and i was like EXCUSE ME! then they were like wel you don't look well at all. Then through all of the stupid questions they manage to gues EATING was involved,

Sent me to the doctors which i managed to blagg out of in the sense that i got some stupid sleeping tablets and said i lost my appeitite from not sleeping. But everything is getting to hard for me. Body also is fighting back and i even had a CHOCLATE FINGER today! (being forced my teachers) but even so. Lost all will power which i had so much to have.

Need to pull myself together. Today was the first time in abou 2 years that i self harmed!What have i got back into!

Can't believe the dat i've had. My plan for tomoro is to fast but if my parents are going to be home 2nite i might go home really early like 4 oclock and then cook something like veg again. this would mean that i keep parents happy, i eat really early so hopefully i can digest quick and then also i can go to the gym in the evening and burn every off and more in the late evening!

Any tips would be amaxing! Oh yer i have a question where can you get diet pills from? I really need some but i don't have a clue where to get them. Maybe i could get them offline?

Hope everyone is doing good!

Nov. 10th, 2008

Feel so bad today. Eevrything is getting on top of me. just tried coffee for the first time and OMG it's gross! Feel so weak, and can barely stand up, have to do a presentation later in front of the hole class! shit. i can barely see the words on the piece of paper so i am fucked.

Can't believe how alone and down i feel. Everything has gone wrong1.

I had such a lush day yesterday cos i went out of town shopping but then got home to the worse new ever! so was up all last nite crying and purging which i never do. don't know why i have turned so bad. Wish i could talk to some1 about this, as i need serious help. I'm on day 7 of my fast and i don't know how much longer i can last. Skin has gone horriable and am SO SO SO cold all of the time no matter what i ware. Don't feel like i am loosing weight though.